Beans: Dark Coffee and Darker Humor


Beans: Dark Coffee and Darker Humor

Beans is a game about becoming a coffee shop tycoon and raising up your very own hipster army. Control everything from decorations to music to what drinks you actually serve. Give the people what the want, or make whatever you want and force the people to like it. You own the coffee shop after all, not your customers, so why should you listen to them?

Beans starts off with the main character finding out that she is the heir to Coffeebottom estate, but to get her inheritance she has to prove that she is a business mogul. The only problem is that competition is fierce and will even stoop to murder. The game uses silly humor, but often with a darker side. Just like their coffee.


In Beans you get to build your own coffee shop from the ground up. Place the furniture wherever you want, because after all if people aren’t uncomfortable it’s not really a hipster coffee bar. You’ll also have to hire new staff and manage them. You get to decide what drinks they specialize in as you level them up, and you can even hire temporary staff to help with events like a bus of old ladies coming in after bingo. Of course when you start out you’ll have a small repertoire of recipes. However, you can invest in your own R&D to put together items that probably never should’ve gotten combines. After all, who knew they wanted their coffee and bagel blended together and served as a drink? I know I sure didn’t.

Not only can you manage your own coffee shop, but also if you make enough money you can open up new locations alongside your original shop. You’ll have to think about where to place these shops, because the retirement home and local college both have different needs for a coffee shop. There will also be random events mixed throughout the game, and each different location will have its own special random events. As people flood inside to get your coffee you’ll have to work faster and smarter to make sure everyone gets their caffeine before they get too upset about the wait and leave.


There are three developers working together on Beans. Katie White, Matt Daye, and Matthew White. That’s right, two Matts and two Whites. Katie White is the face of beans. She is a developer, “social media nerd, localization chick, marketing and bookkeeping whiz, and occasional barista.” Matthew White is the lead developer for beans. He also does the art, designs the systems, and programs everything. He lives and breathes video games as his main job is working on AAA games, while he does Beans in his spare time. Matt Dave is the writer and level designer for Beans who has a dark humor thanks in no small part to his day job working in IT. However, the most important role he plays is that “The shine off of his forehead also disorients and startles our enemies, keeping our office safe.”


Beans is just, in general, a fun time. It is a Tycoon game mixed with loads of dark humor. Which is exactly what some people need to unwind at the end of the day. The game has already been Greenlit on Steam, and is currently looking for a modest amount of support on Kickstarter. They also have a demo of the game available, and are looking at a release date of next summer. So, what are your thoughts on running a coffee shop that uses the darkest beans and humor in tandem?

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Written by Spencer Havens


About Spencer Havens

Spencer is a writer and a gamer always looking for that next game to envelop his life.

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